{"id":786,"date":"2018-07-14T21:41:21","date_gmt":"2018-07-15T02:41:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/neverdonewithfun.com\/?p=786"},"modified":"2018-07-14T21:41:21","modified_gmt":"2018-07-15T02:41:21","slug":"to-my-last-baby","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/neverdonewithfun.com\/staging\/5228\/2018\/07\/14\/to-my-last-baby\/","title":{"rendered":"To My ‘Last Baby,\u2019 Who Isn\u2019t a Baby Anymore"},"content":{"rendered":"

We took down the baby gates last month. For good. Never to be used again. And while a big part of me jumped with joy to have free access to my stairs once again, another little part of me felt a pang.<\/p>\n

We bought you a mattress last weekend. Not quite yet but so soon, we\u2019ll take apart the crib. Forever. Never to be used again. And while we\u2019ll celebrate the milestone of your \u201cbig boy bed,\u201d another part of me will stifle a sob.<\/p>\n

This, the bittersweet emotion that floods me with each milestone we pass, will be the burden you bear your whole life as my last baby. Your “lasts” are my lasts too. We will never experience this season of motherhood or childhood again. And each day it becomes more apparent: You’re my last baby, but you are hardly a baby anymore.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Your hair won\u2019t always be a tousled mess of silky, baby-fine curls. And even if it is, you won\u2019t let me bury my face in it like you do now. You\u2019ll twist away instead, defiantly telling me to leave it alone, it doesn\u2019t need to be brushed, and you\u2019ll run away down the hall.<\/p>\n

But not yet.<\/p>\n

\"Curly<\/p>\n

Your cheeks won\u2019t always be so kissably chubby. And even if they are, you won\u2019t let me pepper those squishy cheeks with kisses on a regular basis like you do now. You\u2019ll squirm and push me away, embarrassed, and you\u2019ll wipe my kisses off with the back of your hand.<\/p>\n

But not yet.<\/p>\n

\"Toddler<\/p>\n

Your voice won\u2019t always be so adorably tiny and high-pitched, mispronouncing words in the charming way that only toddlers can. You\u2019ll be louder, rougher, alternating between random shouting and\u00a0 hysterical laughter over the forbidden \u201cpotty words\u201d \u2013 or worse. You\u2019ll use language that will take my breath away.<\/p>\n

But not yet.<\/p>\n

\"Mother<\/p>\n

And you won\u2019t always be content to sit snuggled on my lap, sucking your thumb and holding onto my finger to comfort yourself. I won\u2019t be able to fix everything with a hug and a kiss and maybe a song or a story. Your problems will be bigger \u2026 and my lap will be emptier.<\/p>\n

But not yet.<\/p>\n

\"Mother<\/p>\n

Mama, want to cry ugly tears? Listen to this song and really listen to all the words. Then listen to this version<\/a>, where her daughter sings it with her. I dare you to get through it dry-eyed.<\/p>\n