What You Need for Potty-Training Success With Your Reluctant Toddler
First, let’s establish this: I swear. And never so much as when I am potty-training my kids. It is frustrating. It is gross. You will devote every last second of energy to thinking about someone else’s bathroom needs for days, weeks, months, let’s be honest, YEARS at a time … so sometimes you just need to drop an F-bomb.
Next, let’s establish this: I legitimately have Potty Training PTSD. Yes, I’m pretty sure it’s an actual thing (although I am not a licensed professional). Potty-training Easton years ago was SUCH an ordeal that I started having actual post-traumatic stress-induced flashbacks when Sawyer’s daycare teachers approached me with the two words of horror: “It’s time.” I was willing to let Sawyer go to kindergarten in diapers if it meant that I didn’t have to be the one to potty-train him.
Unfortunately, our school disagrees with this particular parenting approach, and since I logically knew that Sawyer was “ready” (though completely unwilling), I had to rise above my potty-training PTSD and conquer it.
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How Do You Know If They’re “Ready”?
The advice that I’m going to give you is all my best tips, hacks, and techniques for potty-training even the most reluctant toddler. But there is a difference between being reluctant and being truly not “ready”.
I knew Sawyer was ready because he:
- Had the verbal skills to communicate his needs effectively
- Could tell me when his diaper was dry or wet
- Frequently woke up from nap dry
- Had enough motor skills to pull his pants up and down on his own
If your child doesn’t meet many of these criteria, they may not be ready yet, and that’s OK. Every child develops at their own pace, and it’s preferable to wait until they are developmentally ready than to force the issue with a child who isn’t there yet. That approach will just cause more angst for all parties involved.
Easton started potty-training at 2 years and 9 months. He was pee-trained almost instantly but didn’t master poop training until just after 3. Sawyer started potty-training just before his 3rd birthday. One month later, I consider him to be 98% there (but oh what a month of ups and downs it’s been).
OK, They’re Ready. So Now What?
Here are my essential tools and techniques that made the difference. I used every single one of these and then some to get Sawyer to where he is at today. And although it’s been an incredibly frustrating four weeks … it’s also only been four weeks. Now I have a toddler who tells me (mostly) when he has to go poop and then does it on the potty rather than in his underwear. So this stuff works, friends, even for toddlers who are as stubborn as they come (ahem, Sawyer).
What You Need and What to Expect: The Definitive Guide
1. A potty chair
I tried to skip the potty chair and go right to the big potty. It’s so much cleaner. It’s a thousand times less gross. But while Sawyer would happily pee on the big potty, #2 was a no-go. Literally. It wasn’t until we realized that he wanted some autonomy and privacy for this occasion that #2 finally started flowing (or plopping). And that means the classic potty chain in all its gross glory.
We use this Munchkin seat at our house. It’s easy to clean, has the “pee shield” for little boys (only semi-effective but hey, it’s a work in progress), and comes with deodorizing discs to help it be less gross. It’s a 3-in-1 because it can be used as a step stool (which is how we used it for the past 3 years) and also has a removable potty seat that can be used on the large toilet, but that part isn’t very stable and Sawyer isn’t a fan.
2. Two to three days in a row that your child can stay bottom-less at home
There are lots of books out there on potty-training. Oh Crap! Potty Training has helped a lot of my friends, and the 3-day method is another popular one. I chose not to read any book specifically, but I did recognize the importance of teaching your child the sensation of going to the bathroom. And there’s no better way to do that than to stay home for two or three days, take off the diapers, put on the underwear, leave off the pants, and see what happens.
(Spoiler alert: What happens is accidents. Lots of accidents. But each day, there are fewer accidents. And that’s why this time is crucial to the process.)
3. A million pairs of toddler underwear
Sawyer’s first time in toddler underwear, he went through four pairs in 20 minutes. Four pairs!! How is that even possible? I started rethinking my decision to potty-train in that first 20 minutes, but we stuck with it because he was SO PROUD to be wearing big-boy underwear at last. So I let him ride it out, changed his underwear a million times, and didn’t say a word about it.
Pro mom tip: Let your toddler pick the underwear motif so they are excited to wear them. We have Paw Patrol and Disney Cars going on over here. Then stock up on them so you don’t have to do multiple loads of laundry every single day. It will be worth the expense in the long run.
4. All of the bribes
You know I’m not above bribes for things as simple as a quick photo for the ‘Gram, so you know I’m breaking out all the bribes when it comes to “incentivizing” my child to remember to go on the potty.
Start small, maybe 1 M&M for trying and 2 M&Ms for actually going. If that doesn’t work, escalate it: We tried dispensing Hershey Kisses (“big Em-Nems”) for 💩 success. And when that didn’t do the trick, we realized our evil genius toddler was holding out for the good stuff. So, enter …
5. The sticker chart
Along with the potty chair, these mini sticker reward charts are what ultimately helped Sawyer over the hurdle of being too scared and/or completely disinterested in potty training. We gave stickers freely and constantly in the beginning, even though it only took 30 to get around the board to Mickey Park and earn a prize. Laying the foundation of potty = sticker = Mickey Park = prize was crucial.
We also celebrated small victories. Whenever he earned 10 stickers, he got a Hershey Kiss. Once the potty concepts stabilized, we dialed back out sticker distribution slightly. Now he gets 1 sticker every time he tells us he has to go potty and then successfully goes. (Yes, four weeks into the process, we have already stopped rewarding the basic potty behavior and upped the ante on what we expect.)
6. A collection of inexpensive crappy toy prizes
You need some good-enough prizes for every time your child completes the reward chart. If you’re diligent about stickers and trying, you could be giving out a prize every day or two, so think wisely about what you want to use. It doesn’t have to be a toy but it does have to be a high-ticket item. In other words, make it worthwhile for your child, so they are excited to use the potty and earn their prizes.
Pro mom tip: I stock up on potty prizes at the Target Dollar Spot and children’s resale events to keep this habit as budget-friendly as possible.
7. Some screen time
Even if you’re against screen time, you might need to get comfortable with it. The hard truth is this: Learning how to go to the bathroom requires some sitting and waiting. There is no task more challenging for a toddler than sitting still and waiting.
But put an iPad with YouTube Kids or an episode of their favorite show in front of them, and they might just become more receptive to sitting and giving it time to “happen.” I have watched Sawyer do the oddest combination of contortionism, calisthenics, and yoga in pursuit of a poop, all the while staying entranced by “Baby Shark.” But after the seemingly millionth rendition of the song, it happened — and suddenly it all seemed worth it.
8. Miralax upon advice for your child’s pediatrician
This is my number one tip, and it’s also my most controversial. I know you don’t want to give your child medications unnecessarily. I know the Internet is filled with horror tales and judgements about the dangers of laxatives for kids. To this, I will offer: Talk to your pediatrician before making a snap judgement.
When Easton was potty-training, he was so adamant about not pooping that he held it for 7 days. But worse yet, he then started holding his pee too (because it gets tricky to do one but not the other). My poor, stubborn, iron-bladdered child didn’t urinate for 19 HOURS, at which time we rushed him to the doctor, where they took an X-ray that revealed his distended tummy literally full of sh*t. Incidentally, at the 20th hour mark, during the X-ray, his bladder finally exploded in a tsunami of pee, all over the X-ray technician. You can’t make this stuff up, people.
After that experience, our pediatrician recommended a daily dose of Miralax to get everything softened and make it impossible for him to “hold it.” I truly believe that neither of my children would be potty-trained to this day if not for a small daily dose of Miralax to, um, grease the wheels.
After a few weeks of Miralax, Easton’s fears about pooping on the potty had dissipated and he was FINALLY 100% trained. We started reducing the dosage slowly to wean him off and never looked back on this decision.
Bottom line: For whatever reason, pooping on the potty is scary. But what’s scarier is what happens when your child tries to avoid pooping. A low dose of Miralax (or a natural laxative like pear juice) ensures that your child literally can’t avoid pooping, and they are forced into practicing on the potty until it loses its anxiety-inducing qualities and becomes just another thing they do.
That’s why we used Miralax with Easton, and that is why our pediatrician recommended it again for Sawyer (who didn’t make it to 7 days of withholding but did make it to 4 and was crying from tummy pain). Talk to your pediatrician to find out if it might be right for your child, raise any concerns, and ask questions.
9. A travel potty
So you’ve finally got your toddler consistently going on the potty in the comfort of your own home. Celebrate! Then brace yourself: Eventually you’re going to have to go out in public, with your child in underwear. And that means public restrooms.
Public restrooms are a landmine for sensitive children. They have automatic flushers. The flush is LOUD. There are hand dryers that are loud too. It can be sensory overload, and when Easton was potty-training years ago, he flat-out refused to use public restrooms. Which made for some very stressful outings.
Pro mom tip: A travel potty solves this problem. Keep it in the back of your vehicle, outfitted with the refill bags, or even plastic grocery bags (but check for holes first!!). Your child sits on the travel potty any time, any place, and does their thing into the bag. Easy clean-up, and the whole situation of public restroom is neatly (or relatively neatly) avoided.
Bonus pro mom tip: Keep Post-It notes in your purse. If you find yourself out in public without a travel potty and you have a kid needing to go but FREAKING OUT about the automatic flush, cover the flush sensor with a Post-It note. It won’t flush!I learned this genius tip from other moms in my FIT4MOM village, and I can’t tell you how many times it’s saved my ass in public.
10. A wet-dry bag
Leaving your house with a potty-training toddler also means accidents. It’s inevitable. They are learning, and sometimes they are going to forget. (Or you are going to forget to prompt them. It happens to the best of us.) Have a wet-dry bag available to stash the soiled clothes and always always always have multiple spare clothes with you. Not just underwear and pants, but socks and maybe even shoes — because it WILL run down their leg.
Don’t get caught without this! I had the boys at the dentist the other day and in the brief time while I was paying the balance due and scheduling their next appointment, I took my eye off Sawyer for a minute. Sure enough, he was in the waiting room, calmly and discretely pooping his pants. I had NOTHING with me and was feeling like the biggest rookie parent ever. One trip to the bathroom later, I brought home toddler underwear wrapped in dozens and dozens of paper towels, and a toddler going commando for our ride home. I won’t make that mistake again.
11. Disposable Pull-Ups or Easy-Ups for nap and overnight
Even once you get your child going regularly on the potty during the daytime, naps and nighttime are a different situation. Many kids just don’t have the control not to go to the bathroom while they are sleeping, and for some kids, that bodily function doesn’t develop until elementary school. We put our boys into Pampers Easy-Ups at nap and overnight to avoid accidents that interrupt their sleep. But we never referred to them as diapers — we call them “Night Underwear” to make it clear that they aren’t diapers and we are done with diapers.
Easton wore Easy-Ups overnight until he was almost 4. Sawyer likely will be too because he wakes up soaked every morning. But after about a month of training, both boys were able to switch to regular underwear at naptime, as long as they went potty immediately before and immediately after.
12. All the patience and a lot of wine
But seriously. It’s frustrating. It’s so frustrating. I’m not exaggerating when I tell you that potty-training is the single most frustrating thing I’ve encountered as a parent two times running, and it is a major contender for why this baby-making shop is CLOSED. I do not have it in me to potty train another child.
Luckily, Sawyer has progressed by leaps and bounds over the past two weeks, and I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel at last. Every time he comes to me to tell me he has to go, I do the happy dance. And when he finally works out a 💩 on the potty, my sense of accomplishment is so great that you’d think I made it myself.
But when you’re in the trenches of potty-training, it’s rough, mama. I feel you. Buy a bottle of wine for the end of the evening. You’ve earned it. And don’t be afraid to tag-team with your spouse. #DoneWithFun Daddy is the rockstar of Sawyer’s experience, as he was the one that figured out the exact parameters necessary for pooping on the potty instead of in underwear.
What would you add to this list? Is there a potty-training hack that made all the difference for your child? Drop a comment below — your tip might be the thing that saves another mom’s sanity. And don’t forget to follow me on Instagram and Pinterest for more ideas, inspiration and #momlife creativity!
