365 days ago, I was in exactly the same place I am right now: curled up on my couch with a bulldog and a cocktail after the kids are in bed, thinking about all that I want out of the new year.
But other than my current couch coziness, I ended 2018 a full 180 degrees from where I started it. It’s been a journey of figuring out what works and what doesn’t. I’ve had to take some really hard looks in the mirror and I haven’t always liked what stared back at me.
The common thread that carried me through 2018 was MORE: More fulfillment. More security. More connection. And to achieve these things, more projects and goals than ever before.
But also, the flip side: Push harder. Sleep less. Drink more coffee. Do more things. BE more things.
What did I learn? You can’t do all the thing and be all the things. But you CAN keep moving forward. That, I can proudly say with 100% certainty, I did in 2018.
The twisting journey of the past 12 months left me a little exhausted in December. So I did something uncharacteristic: I listened to the universe and myself and slowed down. This season was a turning point because it showed me that in doing less, I came away with so much more.
I’m carrying that mindset into 2019 and embracing only the MORE that results from LESS. Here’s how.
Six strategies for living my best life in 2019:
More basic, less extra
Can someone please make me a T-shirt with this? In four words, this is everything I need to do in 2019.
Here’s the thing: I’m good at extra. It comes naturally to me. But it leaves me so damn exhausted. That doesn’t serve anyone, least of all my family, who both reap the benefits and pay of the price of my extra.
I’m not saying that in 2019, I’m suddenly going to be #DoneWithFun. What I am going to do is prioritize and be intentional so that I focus my energies where they really count.
Action item: Visualize doing “life” about 5% less than you’re doing it now. For me, that starts with the boys’ joint birthday party in January. KEEP. IT. SIMPLE and stay off Pinterest (except for cupcakes!)
More goals, fewer ultimatums
Being brutally honest, I’ll admit that I frequently set New Year’s resolutions … and rarely keep them. Why? The expectations. The pressure. The implied ultimatum of “If I don’t meet this goal, I’m worthless. I shouldn’t have even tried. I never accomplish anything.”
Black-and-white thinking gets me in trouble time and time again. So while I agree that goals should generally be SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, timely), I’m going to work this year to reframe goals positively and open-ended. Some goals aren’t meant to have a specific timeline, and those big, sprawling dreams are the ones worth working the hardest for.
Action item: Set realistic 30-day challenges to work toward larger goals. Focus on one thing I’m eliminating each month, and one thing I’m adding in daily each month. What’s out for January? Alcohol. What’s in for January? Pelvic floor exercises. Take it month by month instead of planning all of 2019 right now.
More grace, less guilt
I’m only human. I will screw up and I will fail this year. But instead of internalizing these missteps with guilt, self-loathing and punishment, I want to practice granting myself the same grace that I would give to literally anyone else.
Think about it: Can you list off a whole slew of your own flaws or mistakes on a moment’s notice? Would you judge a loved one according to the same standards that you judge yourself? What about a stranger?
Make 2019 the year you learn to fall in love with yourself. Use your mistakes as a learning experience rather than a self-esteem destroyer, and watch yourself blossom. And when the guilt creeps in (because it will), just remember that you can wallow in guilt as much as you want, and you still can’t change the past. But you can change the future.
Action item: First, make self-care an ongoing priority, not a luxury. Then, use Sunday nights as a check-in to reflect on your week past: what went well and what needs work. Write down one of each, then write down a mini-goal for the week that addresses them.
More progress, less perfection
This one hardly needs explanation. Whether it’s fitness or blogging, 2019 is going to be my year about working smarter, not harder, and letting go of all the rest. I’ve been a perfectionist from childhood and let me tell you, it’s brought nothing but heartbreak and a lot of therapy. So send perfectionism out with 2018, embrace your progress and celebrate every win, no matter how small. Ending in a better place than where you started should always be the goal.
Action item: Take rest days without guilt. Allow the body to recover in between workouts by exercising 4 or 5 times per week instead of 6 or 7. Limit working out so it can’t be used as overcompensation for unhealthy food choices.
More motivation, less complacency
It’s easy to go off-track. It’s harder to get back on. After being highly motivated for almost 2 years, I ended 2018 feeling like I fizzled in the second half of the year. Why? I let myself become complacent and started believing my own excuses: I’ve worked so hard for so long, I deserve a break. It’s just one day (or one week, or one month) off-track.
Motivation will always be cyclical, and it’s OK to take a break or rest. Give yourself permission to do that when you need it. But don’t get too comfortable where you’re at, and don’t give up. It might feel good in the moment. But weeks or months later, that decision will come back to haunt you — and you’ll have a farther road to travel back to where you want to be.
Action item: Let someone else motivate you: Read or listen to one book or podcast per month with a motivational spin on one of your goals. (Fitness, career, self-image — pick something that speaks to your soul for that month.) When you feel your motivation lagging, change up your routine so it’s fresh.
More calm, less chaos
Busy is not a badge of honor. Busy is a habit or a distraction tactic, and only sometimes a necessity. This year, I’m being honest about my time and energy and honoring myself first. I’m going to practice saying no to what doesn’t serve me. The people-pleaser need is strong, I know. But when you serially say yes to others’ demands, what you’re really saying is their needs are more important that yours.
Action item: Use a weekly planner for a visual to prevent overbooking. Limit weekend engagements to two events per day or less. Limit weeknight plans to 3 per week or less. Turn down invitations or requests if the only reason you’d say yes is a sense of obligation.
2019, I’m ready for you. And I’m ready for a better version of me too: a softer-around-the-edges, more content, less frantic me. Whatever your goals are for this year, I wish you more of the best things from this past year and less of the bad. And remember, whatever else happens: Forward. Together, forward.
