How to Make Self-Help Work for You
Wait — how could it be spring break already? Wasn’t it just New Year’s Day and I was belatedly writing my goals for 2019?
In January, I set some lofty but oh-so-important goals for transforming my mindset this year: finding more in less. One of the key aspects of changing my perspective was to focus on more motivation and less complacency.
In what’s turned out to be my surprise success strategy of the year, that means self-help reading. My premise going into it was simple: If you can’t motivate yourself (and you’re not alone) — let someone else do it for you.
And guess what? IT WORKS.
Before I jumped on the motivation bandwagon, I despised self-help and everything that went with it. The idea wasn’t bad in principle — but I just couldn’t get into it. A few pages or a few chapters into anything I tried to force myself to read, I’d put it down, never to pick it up again.
What I’ve learned over the past three months is that you have to find both the right messages and the right formula to make motivational writing work for you. Figure out the what, the how, and the when, and then give it a shot.
If you’re struggling with the “what,” let your intuition guide you. Browse Amazon, or your local library, or the Audible app, and make your selection based on what speaks to you in the moment. There will be a reason it appeals to you, I promise.
If you’re struggling with the “how,” experiment with a variety of different approaches: in print before bed at night; on ebook during your commute on public transit; on audiobook in your car or on headphones while working out.
When reading before bed was an absolute no-go for me, I downloaded my very first audiobook (yes, I’m finally moving into this century) and popped on my headphones for a run. Something about the strategy clicked for me.
First, I’m a captive audience when running. What else do I have to do with that time except listen to something? It’s easier to really listen and soak in the messages when it’s right in your ears via headphones and you have fewer distractions around.
Second, in all the titles I’ve tackled to date, it’s the author herself doing the reading. I think this is key for self-help. You need to hear the author’s own inflections, nuance, and passion to better internalize the most important messages. Reading the words in black and white on the page just doesn’t have the same emotional impact of hearing it directly from the author.
Now that I’ve figured out what works for me, I average one audiobook every three weeks – the right balance for me of staying inspired to transform my life in small and big ways without becoming victim of overkill or overwhelm. Plus, it fits in perfectly with the amount of running I’m doing in training for a half-marathon in May. (Another goal that I might not have jumped in on if not for the encouragement of self-help via Rachel Hollis.) In fact, recently I’ve been so involved in the titles I’ve chosen that I find myself running a little bit farther and longer just to log some extra listening time.
If you’re looking for a place to start, here’s my “what” for the first quarter of 2019, along with my own “why”:
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The Self-Help Books That Changed My Mindset This Quarter
1. Girl, Wash Your Face – Rachel Hollis
Why I Love It: Yes, it’s the smash hit self-help book so popular it’s cliche. I fought against it. I wasn’t interested. Then I started listening … and I was hooked. Rachel Hollis is earnest, inspiring, funny, and totally real to a fault. (At times, I find her enthusiasm annoying; other times, it’s infectious.) Her real-life stories, whether hilarious or tragic, make her relatable on multiple levels and it’s easy to find yourself believing that if she can do it, so can you.
Bonus: Each chapter shows you a myth she believed, then destroys that myth and offers practical suggestions for how you can destroy it in your own life. I appreciate concrete, actionable advice.
Why You Need It: If you have goals — any goals — that you can’t get out of your head, let Rachel Hollis be the kick in the rear that you need to kick-start a better life. No excuses accepted.
What I Took Away From It: She repeats her mantra over and over: No one is going to care more about your dreams or your goals than you do. Once that’s entrenched in your brain, she suggests a plan to devote one hour a day, five days a week, to advancing your goal. I first put this into practice in February and saw my blog traffic double that month. It’s a great strategy that’s both measured and consistent … exactly what is needed long-term to get. shit. done. BOOM.
Quote Worth Writing Down: “Comparison is the death of all joy, and the only person you need to be better than is the one you were yesterday.”
2. You Are a Badass – Jen Sincero
Why I Love It: Jen Sincero is the rebel inside you that you’re dying to let out. She pulls no punches and says exactly what she thinks — setting the example for how you can do exactly that yourself and be happier because of it. Some of her one-liners are genuinely laugh-out-loud entertaining, and the book has a madcap adventure spirit that will get you fired up and ready to unleash your “badassiest” self. A note of warning: Her book is wholly motivational but not always practical advice, so if you’re looking for a how-to blueprint, you won’t find it here.
Why You Need It: If you’re holding yourself back from your goals or happiness because of fear, doubt, anxiety, insecurity — the list of negatives goes on.
What I Took Away From It: Raise your frequency as the key to success. Yeah, it sounds totally New Age bullshit. I get it. But once you actually start to raise your vibe, you’ll feel it. That’s why I continue to repeat sessions of FIT4MOM Body Back: it helps me to surround myself with positive energy to stay on track and crush my goals. Your environment — physical, mental, social — makes a difference, so surround yourself with what you want to manifest … and watch it start happening.
I am the most creative and productive when I’m eating clean, working out, getting rest, and focusing on myself. During the month of March, I was doing all of these things and was able to increase the frequency of blog publishing to three times per week. In this case, it’s not “in spite of” all those other things I was doing — it’s because of.
Quote Worth Writing Down: “When it comes to changing your life, if you aren’t scared, you’re doing something wrong.”
3. The Five Love Languages – Gary Chapman
Why I Love It: I was expecting sentimental schlock with overwhelmingly Christian values. Instead, I found genuine emotionality with thought-provoking case studies. Dr. Chapman’s folksy style is measured, compassionate, and non-threatening — it’s easy to see why so many couples have sought his advice. He shows you the pathway to a better relationship with your spouse without spelling out every step he expects you do to; in doing so, he empowers you, the reader, to discover for yourself what makes your partner feel loved. There’s no relationship as personal as a marriage, and it requires a purely individualized approach. No one-size-fits-all answers in this book.
Why You Need It: If you have any qualms about the state of your marriage after kids, figure out your own love language and figure out your spouse’s. Even simple identification of the two has the power to make an impact.
What I Took Away From It: This one made me think, and it made me take a hard look not only at our marriage but at myself as a wife specifically. Marriage isn’t a passive activity. If you want to make marriage work, you have to work for it — and you need to put your partner’s needs above your own. I realized that the ways I was showing love to #DoneWithFun Daddy were not in his primary love language … so they weren’t having any effect. To truly connect, I had to go outside my own comfort zone and I had to put effort into it every single day. Consistency and repetition is key to success according to Dr. Chapman.
Quote Worth Writing Down: “Love is something you do for someone else, not something you do for yourself.”
4. Present Over Perfect – Shauna Niequist
Why I Love It: Shauna Niequist’s book is part memoir, part self- help — and for me, all cautionary tale. She weaves so many stories and examples from her life into her thesis that you feel like you are watching her go through the overhaul of her life and her priorities from the inside out. This title was the most thought-provoking to date for me, as I try to figure out how to balance it all. As a perfectionist, I identified with almost every sentence.
Why You Need It: If you’re a perfectionist too, start learning how to decompress, turn off, and let it go.
What I Took Away From It: Busy-ness is a badge of honor that I, like so many others, proudly wear but it’s also a distraction from dealing with the hard things in life. I’m learning (with starts and stops, because this one is really tough for me) that every time I think I “should” do something, I need to reexamine it. “Should” is often the clue word for exactly what I shouldn’t be doing if I want to slow down my pace and enjoy the present. This book brought me back to my 2019 goal of ‘more basic, less extra’ and convinced me to recommit to that mindset — not just for my own benefit, but for the benefits of my loved ones too.
Quote Worth Writing Down: “The very thing that makes you, you, that makes you great, that makes you different from everyone else, is also the thing that, unchecked, will ruin you.”
So there you have it, January through March in books. I’ll keep sharing my favorites as I find them, and I already have my second-quarter reads (or listens) in the queue:
- The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck – Mark Manson
- Spark Joy – Marie Kondo
- The Fringe Hours – Jessica N. Turner
- Girl, Stop Apologizing – Rachel Hollis
Follow me on Instagram and Pinterest for more daily ideas and inspiration to lead your best life. Are you a self-help person? What’s one concept or title that’s impacted your life? Share in the comments below or on social media with #NeverDoneWithFun! I’m making notes for third-quarter 2019 😉
