This post is part of a partnership with FIT4MOM DuPage County. All opinions are my own.
Sometimes you have to look back to figure out how you want to go forward.
This was May 2018: Coming off of two consecutive sessions of FIT4MOM DuPage County Body Back (plus two additional over the prior year) and feeling the strongest and most confident I have ever felt in my life.
The problem was where to go next.
And that, when left to my own devices, is where I started to go off track. I had a weight goal – and I achieved it. I had a dress size goal – and I achieved it. I had a race goal – and I achieved it.
But instead of celebrating those victories and focusing on maintaining all my tremendous progress, I listened to the little voice in my head that said: “More.”
If I can be a size 8 , why can’t I be a size 6?
I can lose 5 more pounds to get to that magic number.
I set some pretty unrealistic standards for myself, and in doing so, set myself up for failure. Sure, I worked really, really hard and hit those two arbitrary and ultimately self-defeating goals – for, like, a minute. But a minute was all that it was attainable for and then I fell off track HARD.
The standard of perfection I had set for myself in the springtime was simply not maintainable for this body. I was exhausted from the constant restriction. Worse, now I was on the rebound and trapped in a cycle of negativity. I stopped planning and prepping meals, which meant I made more impulse food choices. Eating less clean meant I put back on those 5 pounds – and more. And I still pushed myself relentlessly to continue working out as penance for the choices I was making. Working out made me feel in control…but it was an illusion. Control was the very thing lacking during this chaotic season.
There is tremendous power in figuring out what doesn’t work. Experimenting and trying new ways showed me that the lifestyle required to make unrealistic fitness goals permanent is not one that I want to lead. I want to live life, enjoy food, be social, and above all, feel good in my skin.
At my skinniest, fittest point, I liked how I looked in the mirror – and that high took me pretty far – but I didn’t feel good about myself holistically. Strength, dress size and even confidence do not guarantee happiness. Self-love and acceptance, however, do.
I’m back to Body Back with fresh eyes this month, bringing my 2019 mantra to the session: More basic, less extra. I’m returning to the the program that helped me find so much success and focusing on its core principles: Manageable workouts. Really clean eating. Accountability and support because #momlife isn’t something you can do alone.
And I’m sharing my honest, realistic, healthy goals and process so you can learn along with me.
I do have a few pounds that I’d like to come off because I can feel those pounds weighing me down when I run or work out. I have pants I’d like to fit into comfortably again (not the size 6s – I actually gave those away to avoid the temptation).
But my big goal for this session is ‘just to fall back in love with myself and the world and life again.’ I read those words somewhere recently (source unknown) and the power of it overwhelmed me.
Here’s how I’m going to get there:
Winter 2019 Session S.M.A.R.T. Goal
Limit my workouts to 4-5 per week instead of 6-7. Honor my rest days and follow the meal plan strictly to see results (i.e., fit into pants again). Find a number on the scale that I’m content with (split the difference between what I want in my mind and where my body wants to settle at).
Why this is important
- I use exercise to compensate for eating. This goal will force me to be more precise and committed to clean eating.
- My body needs rest days to build strength.
- I am exhausted this season and need to recover my mental and physical strength.
- Two full rest days each week free me up to be dedicated to other endeavors those nights (like growing this blog), without spreading myself too thin.
- I already know I’ve nailed the exercise part of the lifestyle. But I will always struggle with the food, even when I know bad food choices don’t make me feel good.
What could get in my way?
Guilt. Fear of missing out (because working out is a big part of my social life). More guilt. The addiction to working out (because it’s my stress relief and mental health saver too).
How can I overcome obstacles?
Plan a routine that works with my schedule, suits my body needs, and lets me see my friends. Keep the plan basically the same every week so I don’t have to reinvent it constantly. Plan other activities for my rest days to “accomplish” something that’s not fitness-related. Write, blog, or Instagram when I feel guilty.
What actions do I need to take?
Return to the Body Back basics and focus on food. Plan and grocery shop on Friday nights, do meal prep both weekend days whenever possible, and have almost all of week’s food ready by Sunday night. Go back to carefully reading recipes and measuring quantities for accuracy on portion control. Eat more veggies. Resist after-dinner snacking (even if it’s healthy). Stick to strict no-alcohol commitment for entire 8-week program to prove to myself that I can.
I keep returning to Body Back (so many times that I’ve lost count) because it’s more than a fitness bootcamp. Our session theme, “The Greatest You,” couldn’t be more on point for where I am at today: ready to rediscover my strength and confidence of sessions past, with more grace and less guilt this time around. I have work to do, and I’m excited to get started.
Follow along with my Body Back journey over the next 8 weeks here and on Instagram! I’ll be sharing my tips for success, my victories, my struggles, and everything in between.
