In the age of COVID-19, working parents have abruptly been thrust into a whole new world. Our schools and our daycares — our lifelines — are closed. We’re suddenly faced with the challenges of balancing work life and home life on an entirely new plane: one in which the two have collided in the most dissonant way possible.
Childcare responsibilities, education responsibilities, and professional responsibilities are piling on top of each other, and just like my two boys at any given moment, they’re competing for my attention.
Some of you have reached out to ask if I have tips for working from home with kids. Here’s what I’ve got for ya: HA. There are no tips. It’s straight-up survival and it’s not going particularly well. My kids get an obscene amount of screen time.
That being said, we’re in this situation with no clear end in sight. We will adapt, because we have to. These are the things I’ve learned from one week of #workfromhomewithkids life.
How to Work From Home With Kids and Keep Your Sanity Intact
Be realistic about what you’re going to accomplish each day.
This includes being realistic with yourself, and with your employer if necessary. You may have to scale back some of your daily tasks and reprioritize to make sure the most critical ones are being accomplished. You may have to come to terms that deadlines have become more of a moving target than usual, and even the promptest, most productive of us may miss some.
For me, I start my day by deciding the ONE thing I need to accomplish that day. If I’m able to get more than that one done, amazing. But a single task or project in one day is my reality right now. Consider it this way: Your employer would likely much rather have you at 60% capacity than 0% capacity.
Lower your expectations. Then lower them again.
See above. Just as you need to be realistic about the tasks you can reasonably get done, you need to be realistic about the behavior you can expect from your kids. That means l-o-o-o-wering your expectations. Your kids are going to fight. They’re going to whine. They’re going to ask for snacks a thousand times a day, and they’re going to look to you to entertain them. After all, they are used to having a whole classroom full of peers and teachers for excitement. Now it’s just you, and your various screens.
Kids are going to be kids, and their needs don’t change just because your boss needs you at the same time. It’s a precarious balancing act, so cut your kids some slack too.
Get creative with your workspace.
WFH veterans know that work can be done anywhere — from the couch, from the bed, from the patio. So get creative with where you work, and switch it up throughout the day.
I start my day at the kitchen table, and I work with the boys on their homeschool assignments while I check email. They do writing and math work while I work alongside them. After lunch, I shift to the couch so that Sawyer can curl up next to me while he vegs out to Netflix during “rest time.”
Tag-team with your partner if you’ve got one.
If both you and your partner are able to work from home, count your blessings. This is a luxury not everyone has. Take advantage of the two-parent status and switch off. Communicate with your partner about both of your daily schedules, and develop a plan for handling the most urgent items. #DoneWithFun Daddy takes the kids outside when I have a mandatory call, and I call home-school into session at the kitchen table when he needs to hole up in the bedroom to organize a time-sensitive report.
Use each other’s strengths to the best of your abilities. I’m handling Easton’s art, music and PE tasks exclusively, but we take turns on the more complicated literacy and math assignments, because sometimes Easton responds better to Dad when he’s feeling frustrated.
Have “time-in” periods so that you can also have time-out periods when needed.
Set aside defined periods of time — at least 20-30 minutes — where you step away from your laptop, go offline, and focus exclusively on your kids. Block out this time on your work calendar if you need to. During this “time-in,” play a board game or read a story or go on a nature walk. Giving your kids your undivided attention for several periods during the workday will make it easier to ask them to do some independent play when you have a task you’re trying desperately to complete.
Get outside every single day — all of you.
At school, teachers get their students outside at least once a day because they know what we are learning. Kids need fresh air and room to move. So make sure you go outside at least once a day, rain or shine. Bundle up and take a walk, ride bikes, or just chase each other around the yard for 15 minutes. After some outdoor exercise, your kids will be most willing to chill in front of the TV or with a book because they’ll have had that opportunity to get their energy out.
Don’t underestimate the importance of the Mute button.
This goes for all the other tech tools available too. It goes without saying that you should have all calls muted so no one else hears your kids screaming at each other. But you might not be able to have your video on at all times either. Have a static photo loaded on your account, and have a background ready so that no one can see your house that looks like a toy store has been looted. These little details give you the forward-facing impression of having your shit together even when it’s all crashing down around you.
Remember that everyone is in the same boat.
But if you are that person who’s in the middle of a 3-minute report on a call with a vendor and it’s that exact moment that your 4-year-old bursts into the room and yells, “I have to go poop!!!” (yeah, that was me) — just remember: It’s not just you. Millions of workers worldwide have been thrown into the same situation without warning. Heck, Jimmy Fallon’s show last week included his daughter interrupting off-camera to ask him for help with her character in a game. This is the new normal, and no one is immune to the challenges. Not even celebrities.
Give yourself grace.
On screen time. On elearning progress. On patience. There is only so much that you can do, so give yourself permission to relax rules where you wouldn’t otherwise. The fact is, if you have important conference calls all day, your kids are going to need Disney+ and an arsenal of lollipops to get through.
One of my girlfriends said it best on a Google Hangouts happy hour recently: “I didn’t choose to be a teacher because it’s not my strength, and I didn’t choose to be a stay-at-home mom for the same reason.” Right now we are being asked to be all of those things, with our full-time or part-time job responsibilities on top of it. No wonder I find myself going to bed before 9 PM every night. I’m exhausted.
A week ago, I wasn’t ready to accept the concept of “these unprecedented times.” Now I’m convinced. There is no rule book for how the next weeks are going to go. And all of us are doing the best we can.
Remember that, mama. You are doing the very best you can under very challenging circumstances. If your kid walks in on a Zoom call to ask for another snack or screams from the bathroom that they need their butt wiped, take a deep breath and remember that we’re all in this together.
How’s it going for you? Are you sticking to a schedule or improvising? Let me know in the comments below or connect on social with @neverdonewithfun. My DMs are always open for a vent or a pity party. I’m right there with you.
Be well.
If you are fielding a lot of questions from your kids during this time, check out my post How I’m Talking to My Kids About COVID-19
